Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (301)

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Whore are you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes.

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  (202): Whore are you. (301): Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am? (202): Yes. http://tfl.nu/xx42
  Replies (3) Good night (780) Bad night (64)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth

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  (301): I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth http://tfl.nu/jeme
  Replies (7) Good night (478) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan

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  (301): I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/1x19
  Replies (2) Good night (553) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.

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  (301): A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it. http://tfl.nu/f0y3
  Replies (3) Good night (509) Bad night (137)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.

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  (301): Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher. http://tfl.nu/xgiu
  Replies (2) Good night (974) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities

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  (301): Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities http://tfl.nu/tvfe
  Replies (11) Good night (1005) Bad night (197) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot

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  (301): The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot http://tfl.nu/zrh0
  Replies (0) Good night (481) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.

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  You have a very discerning palate.

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  (410): It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze. (301): You have a very discerning palate. http://tfl.nu/r2sj
  Replies (11) Good night (624) Bad night (663)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.

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  (301): Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you. http://tfl.nu/00du
  Replies (1) Good night (250) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.

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  (301): Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one? (1-301): It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem. http://tfl.nu/x27d
  Replies (7) Good night (727) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.

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  (240): The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off. (301): Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes. http://tfl.nu/qb2k
  Replies (3) Good night (894) Bad night (157)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there

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  (301): You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there http://tfl.nu/jnb5
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.

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  (301): by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can. http://tfl.nu/1yox
  Replies (4) Good night (503) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America

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  (301): I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America http://tfl.nu/e24l
  Replies (7) Good night (776) Bad night (206) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.

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  (301): You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight. http://tfl.nu/hmqk
  Replies (5) Good night (594) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt